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Dr. Broderick "Love" Bode, PHD.
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| 006. The Curious Incident of the Ministry Inspection |
[mon feb 8th, 2010 »8:01a] |
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I find that the hit wizards who have been inspecting ministry employees as we enter and exit the building are quite a curt bunch, and surprisingly hostile towards those who offer suggestions that would lead to greater efficacy in their searches. During my own entrance inspection this morning, I noticed that during their inspection, they had left numerous items, places and cavities uninvestigated. In fact, this neglect seemed to be in keeping with policy, as none of the witches or wizards around me seemed to be performing anything more than relatively routine search procedures.
As such, I offered some constructive criticism, noting that they had failed to search numerous areas on my person where I might be hiding a deadly weapon. Lest there be any confusion due to my lack of specificity, I began to enumerate these locations/objects and the sorts of weapons one might hide in each of them. Far from taking my suggestions to heart, they seemed to become increasingly distressed, and one enterprising young man decided to detain me.
I still posit that this was extraordinary waste of ministry resources that would be better spent implementing better search practices.
I suppose it is possible that their hostility towards me was due to my association with the Department of Mysteries, of which Gilbert Vance was also an employee. Of course, this is a very poor means of assessing likelihood to commit a violent crime. If one were to assess guilt by association with Gilbert Vance, well, it would become very difficult to determine which attribute - when shared with Gilbert Vance - was the determining factor. Place of Employment seems a very unlikely one. If one were to assess guilt by shared employment with Gilbert Vance, one might as well determine guilt by shared zipcode with Gilbert Vance, shared blood status with Gilbert Vance, shared first, middle or last name with Gilbert Vance, shared hobbies with Gilbert Vance, shared shoe size with Gilbert Vance, perhaps shared kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus or species with Gilbert Vance. By that logic, one might argue that all primates are responsible for the attempted assassination of Minister Riddle. (Which is quite absurd, of course, as some primate species are very non-violent. Female bonobos, for example, resolve conflict through female-to-female stimulation of the genital organs.)
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| 005. The Book Of Love |
[mon nov 30th, 2009 »7:13p] |
( Private: What Is Love, the Annotated Ramblings )
It seems that the shops have already begun decorating for Christmas. I find it quite preposterous that over an entire month is dedicated to 0.18% of the year (assuming approximately 16 waking hours per day.) I'd wager we spend at least a good ten percent of our waking lives thinking of and preparing for the Christmas Holiday, which comes and goes in 24 hours, only 16 of which are generally spent awake, fewer than 16 of which are generally spent sober. I suppose that's what happens when you adopt lengthy pagan holidays and attempt to integrate alternate religions into them - you find yourself with a massive, amorphous holiday season encompassing not only all of these holidays, but all of the days in between and several of the days preceding them.
It's quite a mess, really. I generally try to stay clear of the whole affair.
I do, however, sometimes enjoy peppermint bark.
Puzzling.
- Broderick B. Bode
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| 004. The Muffin Conundrum |
[fri nov 13th, 2009 »11:35p] |
[Warded to Male Ministry Employees, Excepting Anyone Related to Edith Vance]
Following a hospital stay, a young woman recently sent me a basket of muffins. In the missive, she informed me that this is a common gestures (at least in the Western world) following an injury, and given that she was aware of my hospitalization, she felt that it was appropriate to send a muffin basket. Though she did note that these gift baskets did not have to be muffins, but could also include a number of other non-essential food items. The letter was actually very informative.
I accept her premise. However, I have been unable to reach a conclusion as to how I should proceed. Is there a widely-accepted follow-up gesture? Is it a social necessity for me to send a corresponding basket of muffins or another non-essential food? Will an expression of gratitude suffice? And if so, is one expression in particular called for? Should I be troubled that I did not receive other baskets, given the pervasive nature of the gesture?
Any counsel regarding this relatively unique situation would be met with gratitude.
[/Ward]
While I had originally intended to argue that humans were very strange creatures, having numerous idiosyncrasies not found elsewhere in the muggle or magical animal kingdoms, upon further consideration, I realized that it would be far stranger if humans did not have features that were peculiar to their species.
Emperor penguins, for example, bow to one another prior to mating. While there are other animals that engage in non-reproductive sexual intercourse, even documented instances of animal homosexuality, humans are the only species known to participate in oral sex. This does have a certain logic to it, as humans are tool users, while most animals rely on instinct and immediately accessible tools, but I suppose it is curious that other primates (chimpanzees, for example, who are notorious for their sexual promiscuity) have not picked up on it.
Did you know that relative primate teste size inversely corresponds to the fidelity of their females? I thought that was fascinating.
- Broderick Braydon Bode
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| 003. A Modest Proposal |
[wed oct 7th, 2009 »11:46a] |
I am not sure why anyone bothers to conceal information. After all, information is information, is it not? It can be neither inherently good nor inherently bad. Information is merely useful or not useful.
Personally, I never did understand what people found so troubling about systems of population identification, like those employed during the Second Great Muggle War (as it is sometimes referred to.) Of course, the fact that these identification systems were used for the purposes of discrimination, marginalization, and incrimination was not acceptable or useful, but the system itself, I thought, was quite ingenious. I am oft surprised that we do not employ such a system here.
Consider the benefits: while I myself do not joke, nor do I enjoy it when others make them, I find that other members of society often find themselves embroiled in a conflict when they repeat a humorous anecdote related to a person's blood status, ethnicity, race or creed only to discover that a listener identified with one of those groups. Were there a system of identification in place, these awkward instances would no longer occur. And if a person's medical history were readily available, their friends, acquaintances, potential mates and potential employers could be more discerning in the selection process. If, for example, you knew that your potential mate would one day be bald, or that his offspring might be colourblind, you could choose an alternate. Or if you knew that your employee was susceptible to dragon pox, or had a chronic ailment that would be debilitating and very expensive to deal with, you could hire a different applicant.
In the spirit of discovery, I propose a far more useful measure:
Homosexual members of society, please identify yourselves at once.
That way, as there are statistically far fewer of you than heterosexual members of society, you will be able to locate one another more easily than if you practice mutual secrecy. (Of course, it would be useful for heterosexuals, as well, as they will no longer waste effort pursuing you with such things as time, affection and expensive gifts, though this may have some negative effects on national trade. And those afflicted with homophobia could avoid areas heavily trafficked by homosexuals and attempt to find work and/or home environments with less dense homosexual populations, which would be mutually beneficial.) I suppose that for male homosexuals who identify with a specific role in the homosexual relationship, as was the Greek custom, you might chose to have one partner identify as homosexual while the other maintains radio silence, so to speak. Then, the silent homosexuals can choose a vocal homosexual partner. But as it could be a process of mutual selection if both partners were open, I believe that homosexuals would find this option vastly preferable. At least, based on my studies of their relationships, which I'm afraid I cannot discuss with you further, as this would venture into the realm of work-related topics of which I must not speak.
Please note, however, that I am not a homosexual. Homosexuals, if you were mislead, I apologize for any undue anguish this has caused you.
Modestly,
Broderick Bode
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| 002. Logic |
[mon sep 21st, 2009 »7:13p] |
Hmm.
Having read the article in the Daily Prophet that was written by Mr. Barnabus Cuffe, I find the preposed scenario to be quite illogical. Poisoning plots on more than one individual have a long history of ineffectuality, as it were. Oftentimes, once the first person has been poisoned, all those who are in some way associated with them become immediately suspicious, and no longer consume their preexisting food and drink items, given the possibility of contamination. If these individuals, many of them high-ranking and highly intelligent (if not as intelligent as, for example, the Unspeakables) ministry members, had indeed attempted to concoct a scheme that involved the murder of an entire government branch, poisoning would be the least effectual way of going about it. In fact, it would be quite stupid, especially given that most potions and poisons have distinctive biosignatures, which can be traced back to their original source through microanalysis. And simple microanalysis, too. The sort of microanalysis a trained rabbit could perform, given half the chance and a magnifying device. I hardly think the ministry hires wizards who happen to be more daft than rabbits. Wait, that is rather presumptuous of me. I have never been privy to the ministry's hiring practices outside of my own department, which lacks particularly daft individuals.
Do you hire wizards that are more daft than unskilled carions? I would be interested to know for my own purposes. Does pay scale correspond to intelligence? If so, I imagine that they are very economical.
Also, poisoning, as a means of murder, tends to be an Modus Operandi chosen by female killers. Given the group's male-female ratio, much more probably means of group assassination include the following: 1. "Sniping," or other forms of skillful assassinations performed at a safe distance through the use of Avada Kedavra, or similar curses. Often called a "hit."
2. Shootings, which seems like a feasible option, given the fact that all of the alleged group members appear to be muggleborn, and as such, would be aware of the weapon's historical uses in assassination attempts.
3. Bombings, often utilized by terrorist organizations; see also, Guy Fawkes.
4. Bioterrorism, an interesting option which has recently picked up speed among Middle Eastern terrorist organizations.
5. Use of the Imperius curse - given that those placed under such a curse can be forced to kill themselves, as well as one another, using the Imperius curse to kill one's enemies is both logical and effective, if one can manage it properly. It leaves all loose ends tied up very neatly. If i were to kill my coworkers, I think this would be my first choice. Though of course, I also considered the possibility that the Imperius curse has already been involved in someway, given the fact that numerous individuals have claimed that Mrs. Gumboil and various others were acting in a manner that was wildly out of character, and appeared to be mad or raving. But of course, I have no evidence that such a thing took place. They say that when you're fond of something, you see evidence of it everywhere. Alas.
- Broderick Bode.
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| 001. The First 48 Hours |
[fri sep 4th, 2009 »9:53p] |
You know, most victims of kidnapping who are not found after 48 hours are murdered. The odds of finding a victim of kidnapping after the first 48 hours are infinitesimal. Law Enforcment can often locate them prior to that point, however. Perhaps the ministry did not send very accomplished aurors.
I have read numerous articles about it in Magical Justice Quarterly:Nonfamily abductions have a low rate of occurrence despite the media attention and public hysteria that these types of cases often attract. Although the annual incident rate is low, nonfamily child abductions are emotionally charged crimes that can rapidly overwhelm law enforcement resources. The 24-hour period following an abduction is critical, and law enforcement must be prepared to respond immediately and effectively. The purpose of the present research is to obtain demographic and background history on convicted nonfamily abductors who have murdered their victims. Data for the study were obtained through interviews of incarcerated offenders and review of case documents. To date, interviews with 25 abductors who murdered their victims have been conducted within various prison facilities. Though I suppose that it is worth noting that the odds are better of survival given the age of the victims. Child victims are generally killed immediately after being utilized for various nefarious purposes. Adult victims sometimes have prices on their heads, and of course, this also varies culturally, as many places consider kidnapping the children of wealthy individuals to be a legitimate profession. I thought that was rather interesting.
In any case, be fortunate in your search, assuming you have some means of asserting control over your luck, which is impossible given that "lucky" is always a value assigned when events that are random or otherwise beyond our control transpire favorably.
- Broderick Bode
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